The Shapiro Files

Monday, November 23, 2009

Why I'm Aging Prematurely: Two Dialogues

Dialogue One

CHARACTERS: Julianne (age two-and-a-half) and a classmate
SETTING: Julianne's preschool classroom at 9:00 a.m.

CLASSMATE: What's up, Julianne?


CLASSMATE: Having a good morning?

JULIANNE: Yeah, pretty good. Just spent the morning screaming at the top of my lungs and crying uncontrollably for about 20 minutes.

CLASSMATE: Awesome. Any particular reason?

JULIANNE: What do you mean?

CLASSMATE: Well, why did you scream and cry for so long?

JULIANNE: I don't follow.

CLASSMATE: Never mind. So what else?

JULIANNE: My banana was flawed.


JULIANNE: The banana I had with breakfast had a little stringy thingie on it.

CLASSMATE: It did? I hate those stringy banana thingies! So what did you do?

JULIANNE: Screamed and cried.

CLASSMATE: Naturally. That's what I would have done.

JULIANNE: After breakfast, I brushed my teeth with my Daddy but I wanted to put the toothbrush under the faucet, not him.

CLASSMATE: Did he let you?

JULIANNE: Yeah, but he already started doing it before I told him I wanted to do it.

CLASSMATE: Criminal. So what did you do?

JULIANNE: Screamed and cried uncontrollably.

Dialogue Two

CHARACTERS: Melody (age four) and a classmate
SETTING: Melody's preschool classroom at 9:05 a.m.

CLASSMATE: Hey, Melody! How's your morning been going?

MELODY: Pretty good. Julianne woke up a few minutes before me and beat me to the door.


MELODY: Yeah, I like opening the door first.

CLASSMATE: I see. So what did you do?

MELODY: Screamed and cried.


MELODY: Then I went to the bathroom, but decided I wanted someone to help me today.

CLASSMATE: But haven't you been going all by yourself for a couple months now?

MELODY: Of course. So what's your point?

CLASSMATE: Gotcha. So what did you do?

MELODY: Screamed and cried.

CLASSMATE: Who wouldn't?

MELODY: Then when I was done, before I washed my hands, I decided that I had to have my backpack.

CLASSMATE: Of course. Makes perfect sense. So did you get it?

MELODY: Not before I washed my hands.

CLASSMATE: So what did you do?

MELODY: Screamed and cried.

CLASSMATE: That's what I would have done too. Sounds like you had quite a day so far.

MELODY: Just your average morning.