Why I'm Aging Prematurely: Two Dialogues
Dialogue One
CHARACTERS: Julianne (age two-and-a-half) and a classmate
SETTING: Julianne's preschool classroom at 9:00 a.m.
CLASSMATE: What's up, Julianne?
JULIANNE: 'Sup.
CLASSMATE: Having a good morning?
JULIANNE: Yeah, pretty good. Just spent the morning screaming at the top of my lungs and crying uncontrollably for about 20 minutes.
CLASSMATE: Awesome. Any particular reason?
JULIANNE: What do you mean?
CLASSMATE: Well, why did you scream and cry for so long?
JULIANNE: I don't follow.
CLASSMATE: Never mind. So what else?
JULIANNE: My banana was flawed.
CLASSMATE: Huh?
JULIANNE: The banana I had with breakfast had a little stringy thingie on it.
CLASSMATE: It did? I hate those stringy banana thingies! So what did you do?
JULIANNE: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: Naturally. That's what I would have done.
JULIANNE: After breakfast, I brushed my teeth with my Daddy but I wanted to put the toothbrush under the faucet, not him.
CLASSMATE: Did he let you?
JULIANNE: Yeah, but he already started doing it before I told him I wanted to do it.
CLASSMATE: Criminal. So what did you do?
JULIANNE: Screamed and cried uncontrollably.
Dialogue Two
CHARACTERS: Melody (age four) and a classmate
SETTING: Melody's preschool classroom at 9:05 a.m.
CLASSMATE: Hey, Melody! How's your morning been going?
MELODY: Pretty good. Julianne woke up a few minutes before me and beat me to the door.
CLASSMATE: Oh?
MELODY: Yeah, I like opening the door first.
CLASSMATE: I see. So what did you do?
MELODY: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: Cool.
MELODY: Then I went to the bathroom, but decided I wanted someone to help me today.
CLASSMATE: But haven't you been going all by yourself for a couple months now?
MELODY: Of course. So what's your point?
CLASSMATE: Gotcha. So what did you do?
MELODY: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: Who wouldn't?
MELODY: Then when I was done, before I washed my hands, I decided that I had to have my backpack.
CLASSMATE: Of course. Makes perfect sense. So did you get it?
MELODY: Not before I washed my hands.
CLASSMATE: So what did you do?
MELODY: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: That's what I would have done too. Sounds like you had quite a day so far.
MELODY: Just your average morning.
CHARACTERS: Julianne (age two-and-a-half) and a classmate
SETTING: Julianne's preschool classroom at 9:00 a.m.
CLASSMATE: What's up, Julianne?
JULIANNE: 'Sup.
CLASSMATE: Having a good morning?
JULIANNE: Yeah, pretty good. Just spent the morning screaming at the top of my lungs and crying uncontrollably for about 20 minutes.
CLASSMATE: Awesome. Any particular reason?
JULIANNE: What do you mean?
CLASSMATE: Well, why did you scream and cry for so long?
JULIANNE: I don't follow.
CLASSMATE: Never mind. So what else?
JULIANNE: My banana was flawed.
CLASSMATE: Huh?
JULIANNE: The banana I had with breakfast had a little stringy thingie on it.
CLASSMATE: It did? I hate those stringy banana thingies! So what did you do?
JULIANNE: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: Naturally. That's what I would have done.
JULIANNE: After breakfast, I brushed my teeth with my Daddy but I wanted to put the toothbrush under the faucet, not him.
CLASSMATE: Did he let you?
JULIANNE: Yeah, but he already started doing it before I told him I wanted to do it.
CLASSMATE: Criminal. So what did you do?
JULIANNE: Screamed and cried uncontrollably.
Dialogue Two
CHARACTERS: Melody (age four) and a classmate
SETTING: Melody's preschool classroom at 9:05 a.m.
CLASSMATE: Hey, Melody! How's your morning been going?
MELODY: Pretty good. Julianne woke up a few minutes before me and beat me to the door.
CLASSMATE: Oh?
MELODY: Yeah, I like opening the door first.
CLASSMATE: I see. So what did you do?
MELODY: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: Cool.
MELODY: Then I went to the bathroom, but decided I wanted someone to help me today.
CLASSMATE: But haven't you been going all by yourself for a couple months now?
MELODY: Of course. So what's your point?
CLASSMATE: Gotcha. So what did you do?
MELODY: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: Who wouldn't?
MELODY: Then when I was done, before I washed my hands, I decided that I had to have my backpack.
CLASSMATE: Of course. Makes perfect sense. So did you get it?
MELODY: Not before I washed my hands.
CLASSMATE: So what did you do?
MELODY: Screamed and cried.
CLASSMATE: That's what I would have done too. Sounds like you had quite a day so far.
MELODY: Just your average morning.
posted by Steve Shapiro at
9:22 PM
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